Sunday, February 14, 2010

True Valentine's

Today is Valentine's Day and I'm here alone, contemplating the road of life. It doesn't matter why- it's just the way it is. I decided this day that is about love was a good day to post something very heartfelt- so here goes...
When I was a child my mother was just "horrible"- she made me take piano lessons, and then she made me practice!!! I was always a relatively easy child to raise, but that was one area I was a little bugger about- I fought her constantly, but she never gave in! And now I bless her nearly every day for it (I'm 56). She gave me a lifetime gift. She has alzheimers and is getting worse all the time. She has begun to think I am her sister alot of the time, which is very hard. I've had her here a few times to try and give my dad a break and I've begun playing for her- it's my way of saying thank you to her. Have you ever tried to read music with tears in your eyes and love and sadness in your heart? But with age has come the realization of what an absolutely HUGE gift she has given me. And now I plan to learn the harp- I would never do this without my knowledge of the music. So it will be another gift from her. I hope to be able to someday play for her. They say harp music is good for people with alzheimers.
This is a photo we took a couple of years ago on a "girls trip" we took- because we knew it was only a matter of time before we would loose my mother- she was already getting worse at the time. Thank heavens we did this. It would be too late now. I don't have any photos from when she was "normal". She would never let us take her picture. How sad. So all the photos now really don't look like "my Mom" to me. This one isn't too bad, (we're crooked because we were out in the country at a church and the only one to hold the camera was the car!) :-)
If you don't take the time to do something you will always regret it- do you have something you've always said "Someday we're going to..."? Don't wait- DO IT! NOW! This was such a blessing, we have no regrets now. I and my mom used to take trips to carving shows once a year- then would meander home and just enjoy being together. I'm not saying it always went smoothly. We had our "moments". But do you know- I don't really remember specifics about that- I remember the trips and the fun. Thank heavens we did this. I will have it forever.
May you all be blessed on this Valentine's Day with the realization of the true gifts you have been given in this life, and may you be very, very thankful for them.

Oh... one more thing...
Call them up (whoever they may be) and just say "I love you" before it's too late.


Miniature Art by Karen Hull said...

Oh Carol - I do know how you feel. My Dad passed away almost 2 years ago next month with Lewy Bodies, which gives combined symptoms of dementia and Parkinsons. At first they thought he had Alzheimers too, but as his body deteriorated, they realised it had to be something else. He was the most dynamic, intelligent, amazing man you could meet. You really start the grieving process as their disease progresses and you lose the person you knew. Like you, I live my life by living and appreciating today, without regrets, and telling those that matter most how much I love them. We never appreciate our parents until we are older and wiser, and then we see how amazing they were. Happy Valentines my friend!!! xx

Carol Andre' said...

Oh, Karen, I am soooo sorry about your dad. You and I (and everyone who has lost someone in a way in which they are still here but "not" understand what one goes through with something like this. The reality is you sort of loose them twice. And for me it is hard to still have her here but not get to share things with her. She can't do that any longer. The worst day so far was the day she didn't recognise my youngest granddaughter. My parents just dote on those great grandkids- that was very, very hard to take. I plan to try and put more of my thoughts in on this. First I have to sort them out. Thanks Karen, I'll be "holding your hand" across the miles.